Gay icons? Why are we so obsessed with them? itchy boy Roddy Allan puts the concept under the microscope and determines the meaning of the word and when and when not it’s use is justified.

At the risk of sounding like an iconoclast, what is it with gay culture that inspires us to canonize seemingly useless individuals? Are our lives so utterly banal and shallow, that some emaciated little tyke with a bitch of a shopping habit proves inspiration?

Like a this seasons Fendi handbag, gay icons turn over faster than the staff at H&M. In actual fact, about as fast as some overpaid journalist at some trash mag can think of another.

Cilla’s now hitting Heaven with the likes of Chris Biggins, Dale Winton and Paul O’Gradey, so doesn’t that just make her some sad old cow that goes gay clubbing? No, she’s being hailed as the latest gay icon! Can I see any good reason why some sad, mildly entertaining old northern boot deserves such a status?…..NO She doesn’t appeal to my exhibitionistic side; glamour and someone with teeth like Red Rum certainly don’t deserve each others company in a sentence; the fact is, the popular media don’t understand the meaning of the words gay icon.

Magazine editors take note. The word icon stems from computerisation. However, when used in conjunction and preceded by the word gay it takes on a totally new meaning. Basically in simple words, a “gay icon” is something gay men aspire to. Some attribute held by that person appeals to Mr gay Joe Bloggs.

Ignoring the obvious Madge Ritchie, Kylies etc. Fanta Pants Halliwell and Spoilt Spice also prove good examples.

Why would gay men like to be, or be like them? Quite simply, and language even a shop boy could understand:-

Gerri Halliwell
She’s got loads of attractive and famous gay friends; there’s a chance of getting fucked by Robby Williams(remote, but you’d live in hope); she’s covered one of the best known gay anthems of all time sacrilege or not; H from Stepps hates her. Good enough reasons I’d say!

Victoria
She’s married to David Beckham, thus gets shagged by him on a regular basis, that alone should suffice. But, NO. She also shops with the addiction of a £2,000 a month coke habit. Far be it from me to pigeon hole the gay population, but I’ve yet to meet a poof that’s not lethal when armed with a credit card. Over and above this, she’s one of the biggest self PR’d exhibitionists on the planet. Quite simply, with a brain she’d be dangerous!


So, next time you utter the immortal words “gay icon.” Think, “would I really like to associate myself with that?” . . . .Sorry Cilla!


Roddy Allan