Getting ready checklist:
Wear shirt that brings out eyes
Use half the bottle of gel
Drench body in cologne
Drink enough alcohol so anyone looks attractive

If this sounds like your weekend routine, well, you're not alone. Regardless of our opinions on your dating habits (and that shirt), we lined up the top bunch of clubs and pubs to satisfy your mating needs. Hit up these hot spots to meet Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now.


Bellare
Open every night until late, rub shoulders with uni students and townies without breaking the bank on door tax and drinks prices. The whole place is laughable trying to be something it will never be - classy, but this can be overlooked if your standards aren't high.

Fez Club
A fantastic, atmospheric little club - that is if you make it past the door policy (no single sex groups of more than two or three at weekends). This diverts the Carling-fuelled scallies elsewhere, and leaves a more discerning crowd to paw one another on the orgy-sized sofa beds in peace.

Life
A place where you can meet literally all human life, from sexually frustrated students, to sexually predatory single mothers, to sexually perverted middle-agers, as well as everybody else who couldn't be arsed to get dressed up or stay sober. Chav central.

Pure
Not really a nightclub, but then who knows anything in this mixed up world of drag queens, speedballs and labradoodles. Now that the five-year plan has finally resulted in a glorious late licence, the last obstacle to be seen is simply a lack of space. The dark cramped corners are perfect for seducing your fellow comrades with offers of bread and oxygen.

The Rat & Parrot
Fake leopard and faux zebra pelts are paraded every night by the deadly markswomen of the fake tan safari set. Peopled by a strange mix of suits and the unemployed in daylight hours, everybody starts looking exactly the same as soon as the sun sets.

For a complete guide to Cambridge from the best cheap eats to the craziest place in town, buy the book! The brand spanking new 2005 itchy guides are available now from our very own on-line shop www.itchycity.co.uk/books
(or call 020 7288 9810).